Money blocks and repeat cycles

Why does money slip through my fingers no matter what I do?

Have you ever had a month when everything seems to be going well financially, only to find yourself back in exactly the same position a short while later?

Perhaps you earn a reasonable income, you try to be sensible with your spending and you genuinely want to get ahead, yet unexpected expenses always seem to appear. Or perhaps you find yourself spending when you're stressed, feeling guilty whenever you treat yourself or constantly worrying that there will never be enough.

Sometimes the pattern can be particularly frustrating because you know what you should be doing. You may have read the books, created the budgets and promised yourself that this time things will be different. Yet somehow, you keep returning to the same financial patterns.

When this happens repeatedly, it is easy to conclude that you simply aren't disciplined enough with money.

But our relationship with money is rarely just about numbers.

Money is tied to security, freedom, self-worth, family, success and sometimes fear. The way we think and feel about it is often shaped long before we become financially independent, which means some of our strongest beliefs about money may be operating quietly beneath the surface.

The money stories we learn without realising it

Think about the messages you heard about money when you were growing up.

Perhaps you heard that money was always difficult to come by. Maybe you were taught that wealthy people could not be trusted, that talking about money was impolite or that you should always save because something terrible might happen. Perhaps there was financial conflict in your home and money became associated with arguments, anxiety or insecurity.

You may have absorbed very different messages. Maybe achievement was strongly connected to financial success and you learned that being successful meant earning more, working harder and never allowing yourself to fall behind.

None of these beliefs necessarily came from bad intentions. They were often simply the attitudes and experiences of the people around us. Yet they can become part of the internal story we carry into adulthood.

This is where it can be useful to become curious about your own relationship with money and start asking questions.

When you think about having more money, what do you actually feel? Relief? Excitement? Anxiety? Guilt? Or perhaps even fear?

There is no right answer. The important thing is noticing what comes up.

When money becomes an emotional issue

Financial decisions are not always as logical as we would like to believe.

We may spend because we are exhausted and want something that makes us feel good. We may avoid looking at our finances because doing so brings up anxiety. We may work constantly because earning more feels like the only way to feel secure. Or we may struggle to charge appropriately for our work because somewhere inside us we feel uncomfortable asking for more.

These patterns can be particularly complicated for women who are balancing careers, families and the needs of everyone around them. There can be a strong desire to provide, to help and to make sure everyone else is comfortable, sometimes leaving very little consideration for their own financial wellbeing.

Over time, these behaviours can become familiar enough that they feel like part of who we are.

But a familiar pattern is not necessarily an authentic expression of who you really are.

The first step is often simply recognising the connection between the way you feel and the way you behave.

Breaking the cycle begins with awareness

If you find yourself repeating the same financial patterns, it can be helpful to pause before immediately trying to fix them.

Instead, start observing.

Notice what happens emotionally when you receive money, spend money, save money or face an unexpected expense. Notice whether certain situations consistently lead to impulsive spending, avoidance or anxiety. Pay attention to the language you use when talking about money, particularly when you talk about yourself.

You might even begin writing down some of the money beliefs you have carried for years and asking where they came from.

For example:

"There is never enough."

"Money disappears as quickly as it arrives."

"People like me don't become wealthy."

"I have to work incredibly hard for every cent."

"If I have money, someone else will want it."

You don't have to decide immediately whether these beliefs are true or false. Simply becoming aware of them can create some distance between the belief and your personal convictions.

And that distance creates choice.

Some people find it helpful to explore these patterns through counselling, coaching or financial guidance. Others are drawn to holistic approaches that explore the emotional and energetic relationship they have with money. The important thing is finding an approach that helps you understand your patterns rather than simply feeling guilty about them.

A Gentle Reminder

You are not your financial history.

A difficult financial period does not define your future and repeating an old pattern does not mean you are incapable of changing it.

Sometimes the first sign of change is not a bigger bank balance. It is the moment you become aware of why you are making the choices you are making.

When you understand the story beneath the behaviour, you have a much better opportunity to write a different one.